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Title: You're A Map Of A Place Maybe Someday I'll Go Ch. 13/22
Author: Pip
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: this chapter NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't know 'em, never met 'em, this is all lies.
Feedback: Would be treasured beyond pearls.
Archive: Not without permission.

A/N: Thanks to fitofpique and elmathelas for the brilliant betas, and to buckle_berry for the fabulous Britpick. This fic would not be the same without you three, and I thank you from the bottom of my squishy little heart.

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

First posted July, 2006

Dom woke slowly in the morning, consciousness leisurely dawning, though dawn itself was long since past. At first he couldn't sort out where all his appendages were, but soon nerve endings also woke, and ah, his feet were over there in the corner, held down tight by the way the sheet was tucked in under the mattress. One arm was under the pillow that was under his head. Where had his other arm got to? Of course--his hand was on the mattress right in front of him, his elbow resting on his other arm.

Other arm? Wait--?

And suddenly all of Dom was awake, and he shivered at the feel of hot slow breath on his ear and Billy's hand curled against his bare stomach and, when Billy's nose lightly nuzzled into the hair on the back of his neck, Dom made some sort of noise in between a moan and a good morning.

"Good morning," Billy whispered. "I'm sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep."

"No. You didn't," he rasped. "What time is it?"

"Just after nine." Billy tightened his arm around Dom, pressing his palm flat against Dom's chest and pulling him closer. "How do you feel this morning?"

"Don't know yet." Dom wriggled back against Billy, curling up small in front of him. "Lovely way to wake up, though, I have to say."

"Hmm," Billy hummed in his ear. "Lovely way to spend a couple of hours, too."

"Meaning you want to, or you already have?"

"Already have," Billy whispered, kissing the nape of Dom's neck. "You're so at peace when you sleep, Dom, it's just mesmerising to watch you."

It was a moment before Dom could answer, but he finally managed, "I'm not peaceful, I'm a restless sleeper, I know I am--you've told me yourself. And what's with this new kink of watching me sleep?"

"It's not new," he murmured.

Dom's breath caught in his throat. His cock twitched, and when Billy's lips began ghosting across Dom's neck, and shoulders, and he stretched around to kiss and nibble at Dom's ear and the corner of his jaw, Dom felt himself go utterly boneless, helpless. "Bills--"

Billy's hand skimmed from the center of Dom's chest down to his stomach. "Can I touch you, taisgeal?"

"Oh God, Billy--" tumbled from his lips, and he was shocked at how needy he sounded.

Billy pressed closer against his back, and Dom suddenly felt Billy's erection against one cheek of his arse. "Please, Dom," Billy murmured, the words hot on Dom's skin. "Will you let me touch you?"

"Yes," he breathed. "Jesus, yes."

Billy kissed his shoulder, licked from the pointed bone across the muscle and up his neck, even as his hand slid under the waistband of Dom's sweatpants. His warm fingers traveled down Dom's abdomen, skirting to the side to stroke across a sharp hipbone, even stretching the fabric of the sweats to reach down and caress Dom's thigh, before drawing his hand back up to Dom's lower belly.

Dom shuddered and made a small noise.

Billy licked and kissed and nibbled the nape of Dom's neck, and his fingers tangled into the dark hair curling at the base of his cock, before gently, lightly stroking his length. "Your skin is so soft," he whispered throatily. "And you're so hard, Dom, you feel so fucking good." His fingers curled around Dom's erection and squeezed.

Dom bucked once, spasmodically, into his hand. "Jesus Christ Billy don't you can't what are you--" he gasped. His brain was sizzling, his blood was thrumming, reality seemed to have wandered off for breakfast, and he wondered if he was having a vividly erotic but hallucinatory dream.

"I'm doing what I've wanted to do for ages now, Dom," Billy growled softly. "And I'm going to make you come, I need to hear you when you come." He began moving his hand, pausing every so often to thumb the tip of Dom's cock, to trail a finger up and down the full length of his erection, to circle the head with his thumb and forefinger and tug.

Overwhelmed with want and lust and arousal unforeseen ten minutes ago, with having Billy's hand wrapped around his throbbing erection, with being moments away from coming with Billy's fingers on him and Billy's mouth on his skin, Dom arched and with a cry said, "Who the hell are you and what have you done with Billy? Oh God--"

Billy's low laugh stirred the hair on Dom's neck. "I've decided timidity doesn't suit me, taisgeal. I'm going to tell you what I want and show you what I want and give you what you want--and right now what I want and what you want seem to be aligning rather nicely." He sped up his rhythm on Dom's cock.

"You're a fucking changeling, you are," Dom moaned, and he reached behind himself to find and grasp Billy's arse through his cotton pants. "Oh God, your hand, Bills--"

"Tell me."

"Feels so good. Wanted you to touch me for so long, Billy, needed this for so long," he gasped, and he wasn't even sure if his brain was connected with his mouth or if he was just spouting nonsense, but judging by the way Billy's breath hitched in his ear, he thought perhaps he was making just sense enough. "Can feel each finger, Bills, can feel your hot palm, can feel your arm against my side, can feel your muscles against my ribs--" Dom's voice choked off abruptly when Billy added a little twist to the end of each pull. He rapidly thrust himself into that firm hand with a rasping groan.

"You're so ... so open, Dom," Billy's lips slipped velvet-soft across his shoulder. "So unafraid. What you're giving me is so fucking beautiful--" He stopped working Dom's erection, and even as Dom let out a little whimper of protest, Billy was lifting him slightly, tugging down Dom's sweatpants and shorts to let his cock spring free. His other arm came up from underneath them to wrap tightly around Dom's midsection, clamping them flush together, and his fingers quickly resumed their teasing tugging stroking.

Dom lost all familiarity with actual words. "Bil--nnnngh. So--oh fu--" Even his futile attempts at speech petered out until he was reduced to inarticulate moans and gasps and he arched against Billy, bowed against the arm securing them together, drove himself into Billy's tight hand.

"Bloody hell, Dom," Billy whispered, voice uneven from arousal and from his efforts. "You look gorgeous. You look so wild and passionate--beyond anything I'd ever imagined. The thought that it's my touch making you look like that--"

"Oh God oh God it's you Billy," Dom sobbed breathlessly. "It's you I'm going to come BillyohGodohpleasedon'tstopI'mgoingtocome ... "

"Let me hear you," he growled, working Dom's cock hard and fast and kissing then biting Dom's shoulder.

Dom's hips bucked violently, nearly loosening Billy's grip on him, and he gasped, cried, "Billy--oh God--Billy--" And then he arched in a fiercely rigid curve, fingers convulsively grabbing Billy's arse, and let loose an intense, sustained, loud keening as he came hard over Billy's fist.

"Sweet Christ, Dom, that's it--that's it taisgeal, yes," Billy breathed in his ear. "You're so fucking beautiful, Dom, so bloody dazzling when you come. I knew you would be, I imagined you so often, I knew you'd be so beautiful."

Billy's low, rough voice, the words he was growling into his ear, made Dom shudder with aftershocks, even as his body relaxed, as his cock softened in Billy's now-gentle hand, as he panted and gave a little moan.

Billy continued to hold Dom's prick while hotly, wetly kissing and licking his nape, his shoulder, nibbling at the knobbed bone at the base of his neck, pressing his body against every inch of Dom he could reach, arousal rolling off him in waves. But when Dom tried to turn, tried to face him to kiss him back and lick every inch of his body, and then--and only then--make Billy come shouting his name, Billy held him captive, preventing him from moving at all.

"Bills--" Dom tried again to roll over, his hand patting at Billy's on his soft cock, urging him to let go, his fingers getting sticky with his own come.

Billy shifted his arm, and Dom made a small noise of anticipation, but he was still held tight, and Billy simply moved enough to be able to clean his hand, and Dom's cock, with a corner of the sheet. He softly kissed Dom's shoulder, then rested his cheek against it. "Dom," he murmured, his voice hoarse, "Fucking hell, Dom, I want you so much." He put a leg over Dom's upper thigh, and crushed his rock-hard erection against Dom's arse, gripping him tightly with leg and arms and one hand splayed across Dom's chest while the other grasped his hip with bruising strength, covering him as if to try and engulf him, encompass him completely.

"Then let me roll over, let me touch you and taste you, and you can have me, haven't you figured that out yet?" Dom said breathlessly, nearly tripping over his words. "Goddammit, Billy, I love you, I want you too, let me taste you, let me--" But at Billy's sharp inhalation, Dom realised what he'd just said (without the excuse of imminent death) and he momentarily froze. "Shite," he whispered, "Shite, shite. Bill, please don't--"

One moment Billy was laying half on top of him, pressed against him, and the next he was gone and rolling out of bed. "I'm going to go take a shower. Put the coffee on, will you?" His voice was forced.

"Billy, please--" Dom begged, turning over. But Billy had already left the room. "Fuck."

Suddenly his voice came clearly from the hallway. "Dom?"

"Yeah?" He closed his eyes, pained.

"There's something I need you to know."

Bloody buggering fuck. Here it comes, Jeremy Irons said, hope you're ready, lad. "Wh--what's that, Bill?" He sounded wretched, even to his own ears.

"I--Christ. I'm sorry to do this from here, I'm sorry to say it like this. But it's the only way I can, just now."

Dom bit his lip, trying not to bay his disappointment and hurt at the top of his lungs like a wounded hound.

After a second that seemed eternal to Dom, Billy said, "I love you, too, taisgeal." A moment later the bathroom door shut, and Dom heard the snick of the lock over the roaring in his ears.

He lay facedown. He lay facedown with his nose in the pillow and his fingers clutching the sheets, and he tried not to shout triumphantly at Jeremy Irons, and he tried not to feel like he might fly apart any second. He was desperately glad he wasn't the crying sort or he'd be weeping like a little child. Dom decided the second he had himself under control, and the second Billy opened that bathroom door, he was going to grab Billy and kiss him senseless, and then he was going to beat him about the head for twisting him up into knots like that.

Dom finally climbed out of bed, pulling his sweats back up around his waist. He padded down the hallway and stopped outside the bathroom door. He tried the handle without much hope, but sure enough it was locked fast, and he decided against yelling at him through the thick wood. Instead, Dom went through to the kitchen and put the coffee on.

Twenty minutes later the water shut off, and Dom thought with a grin that Billy hadn't managed to be quite so stoic on this occasion--he'd certainly been in there long enough to have indulged in a good wank. While Billy was in his bedroom getting dressed, Dom slipped into the bathroom for his own shower, anticipating finding Billy and holding him tightly and kissing him thoroughly and then maybe even getting out the sherbet powder they'd bought in Oban and licking it off somewhere other than the backs of his knees, and by the time he got to that thought he was starting to get hard again, so he quickly finished washing and hurried out of the shower.

After dressing in jeans and a soft sweatshirt, Dom went in search of Billy. There was an empty coffee mug on the counter and the level in the pot was lower, but no Billy. No sign of him in the living room, and when Dom, frowning, looked on the tiny balcony, it too was empty. He returned to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and spotted the note. With a sense of foreboding, he picked it up and read.


I've gone for breakfast with Ali, back in an hour or two.
Help yourself to anything you want.

I'll bring you back something good to make up for this.


Dom stared at the note. He read it again.

He stared at it some more.

Suddenly he crumpled it in his fist and threw it across the kitchen, unaccountably angry. How could he? How dare he? First he jerks Dom off like it's the best thing to happen since Rangers last won the league, and then he walks away, and then he says he loves him, and then he fucking runs away? To his sodding ex? His sodding bloody ex-girlfriend, no less? And what exactly does Billy think he needs to make up for? Which part, exactly--the part where he left Dom twisting in the wind, the part where he said he loved Dom and then gave him no chance whatsoever to respond, or the part where he snuck out on Dom to go be with his fucking ex-girlfriend? And yes, Dom knew he was focusing on that ex-girlfriend bit probably a little too much, but what the hell else was he supposed to focus on? The bit where Billy said he loved him and then obviously regretted it so much he had to run off? And where the fuck was snarky, caustic Jeremy Irons when he needed him?

Ah, but you don't need me, Jeremy Irons answered, sounding amused. You're doing just fine on your own, as a matter of fact.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dom half-shouted, and the loudness of his voice in the near silence of the flat startled him. He stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed his jacket from the cupboard, yanked on his shoes, snatched up his mobile from the hall table, and slammed out the door.

It wasn't until his temper had carried him out of the building and halfway down the block that Dom realised he was now locked out of the flat until Billy should return. It wasn't a huge deal, Dom had his phone and he was sure Billy would have his, but it was nevertheless one more annoyance. One more instance where Billy held all the cards, and it didn't matter that Dom knew Billy had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had just locked himself out on the street--it was still Billy holding something over his head, some sort of power and control, and it was really starting to piss Dom off how helpless he felt.

So do something about it, Jeremy Irons said sharply.

Resolutely keeping his lips firmly shut, Dom demanded like what?

Like tell the sod either he gives you a straight answer about what this thing is or you're on the next flight back to Hawaii, Jeremy Irons said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Dom's footsteps actually wavered as he mentally backed away from the idea. I can't do that, he protested.

Why not? Jeremy Irons' eyebrows were raised again, and bugger it if that didn't just piss Dom right off, the way a faceless formless alter ego in his head could be so damned supercilious.

Because I can't, he muttered, and it angered him further that he was reduced to glowering inside his own bloody head. Because I love him and even if he makes me furious, I can't just leave. That would hurt him, because he's struggling with this too, and I can't willingly, intentionally hurt him.

Oh, but it's all right if he hurts you? Jeremy Irons asked, almost angrily. And why is that?

No, it's not all right, but it's not like he means to do it, and I've had enough, Mr. Irons, so just shut the fuck up.

Dom resolutely turned his thoughts elsewhere, and after a moment of paying attention to his surroundings, he found it easy to distract himself from snide comments still being whispered by Jeremy Irons. Because he had absolutely no idea where the hell he was.

Dom turned and looked behind, back the way he'd come. Bugger. He looked down the street to his right. Bollocks. He looked as far as he could see down the gently curving street in front of him. Shite.

He sat on a stone pillar blocking the end of a terraced street and tried to decide what to do; he was torn between beating his head against a brick wall or laughing until he pissed himself. Because, really, what other options were there? Finally, shaking his head at himself, he just kept walking in the direction he'd been headed, hopefully traveling toward a street he recognized, or at the very least a coffee shop or restaurant where he could sit for a few hours before ringing Billy. He didn't see any other choice than waiting, because if he called right now, only a half hour or so after Billy had left, he'd look like he was ringing purposely to ruin their breakfast, and while a tiny childish piece of himself that he was ashamed of was rather tempted to do just that, he knew he never would. Things might be awkward between he and Billy at this particular moment, but from everything Billy had said, it didn't exactly sound like he'd be getting back together with Ali, so it wasn't like Dom had anything to worry about in that direction. In fact, if he was lucky, Ali was at that very minute tearing a strip off Billy for waffling back and forth, or whatever the hell it was he was doing, because to be honest, Dom didn't know which way was up or what direction either of them were facing. Maybe Billy's breakfast with Ali would straighten him out, as she'd wryly put it on the phone days before, and they could all arrive at the destinations they'd been aiming for.

Dom stopped in at a little shop he finally came across, bought a newspaper, and took it with him into a tiny café just a few shopfronts down. Getting himself a cappuccino, he sat at a small round table in the front window.

Two hours later, Dom's cell phone rang, and he glanced at the caller ID before answering.



"Dom," Billy said, with what sounded like relief. "Where the buggering fuck are you?"

"Not sure, really," he said coolly, casually. "Found a nice little café, though. You should try their biscotti, it's fantastic."

"Dom. Why did you leave?"

He felt his annoyance return, with a slight edge of anger. "Oh, so you can wander off anytime you like, but I have to sit like a good little dog at the edge of the mat and wait for you?"

"What the fuck are you on about? Of course not, it's just that I know you don't have a key yet," Billy protested.

The 'yet' almost slipped past Dom--almost. He sighed and slouched down in his chair. "Yeah, okay, Billy. Fine."

"Where are you, Dom?" he asked quietly. "I'll come and get you."

"I told you, I don't know," Dom said irritably. "Don't bother, I'll get a cab."

"Dom, please. Tell me the name of the café you're in. I'll find it, and I'll come join you for a coffee. Come on, man."

"It's called 'Insomnia'," he finally muttered.

There was a slight smile in Billy's voice. "Something you or I have never had a problem with, yeah? I know where it is, I'll be there soon."


"You'll wait for me, won't you?"

Dom snorted. "Yes, I'll wait, you pillock."

Twenty minutes later Billy hurried in, looking anxious until he spotted Dom. The relief, and guilt, and happiness on his face went a long way toward mollifying Dom's anger. He queued at the counter, bought himself a coffee, and then joined Dom in the window, sitting so his back was nearly to it.

"How's it going?" Billy automatically asked, the quintessential Glasgow greeting.

"Oh, just peachy, thanks."

Billy tensed up. His eyes stayed on his coffee as he pulled back the little plastic tab and snapped it into place. "Look, Dom--"

"You shouldn't have said it, Billy," Dom interrupted, his voice very quiet but hard. "If you weren't sure, you shouldn't have fucking said it. So let's just forget it, all right?"

"Dom, would you just--"

"I can't do this much longer, Bill," Dom said intensely, leaning forward to make sure Billy heard every word. "I know this is difficult for you, and I'm not leaving, but I can't do this much longer. I can't let you do things like ... this morning, not if you don't--not if you--"

"Dom, shut it," Billy whispered ferociously, finally meeting his eyes. Dom was a little surprised by the stricken look on his face. "Would you shut your sodding mouth for a minute and let me say something?" When Dom nodded, Billy's eyes lowered again, and he took a minute before speaking.

Dom waited.

"This is difficult for me," he began, his voice low. "But not because I don't know whether or not I love you." He briefly glanced up, as if to gauge Dom's reaction as he said, "I do. I've been in love with you for I don't know how long."

Dom tried his best to keep his face impassive, but he knew some of the joy that blazed in his chest must have shown in his eyes, or in the flare of his nostrils, because Billy relaxed slightly as he returned his gaze to his coffee cup, fingering the lid.

"I love you. And I want you to know that, because I want you to know what I did this morning wasn't lust--well, not just lust," he admitted, one corner of his mouth quirking up. "Because I want you so much it's driving me mad, but ... I ... "

"Then why couldn't you tell me right then and there?" Dom asked, softly now. "Why did you have to leave the room to say it?"

"Because I'm still ... "

"Scared?" Dom suggested, his heart sinking a bit.

Billy cocked his head, as if weighing the word. "Nooo ... more like ... worried, I guess. Worried I'm going to fuck everything up between us. Worried that we'll rush into this only to realise something's not right, and it'll destroy our friendship."

"Rush into this?" Dom repeated wryly.

Billy gave him a small smile. "You know what I mean."

"So why did that make you have to say it from the hallway?"

"Because ... I suppose I thought if I saw your face, if I looked into your eyes while I told you I loved you, I ... I'd toss our friendship to the four winds and make love to you right then and there, no matter what the consequences. I'm not ready to do that yet."

"So you're willing to give up the chance to be loved, to be happy, to have what you want, just because it'll be easier on our friendship in case we don't work out?" he asked, still quietly but incredulously. "Billy, you dirty great fuckwit, I can't believe you sometimes."

"Dom, I--" Billy began wretchedly.

"No, you listen to me this time," he said firmly. "What was one of the first things you told me about Ali? That you still care about her, and you're not tossing your friendship away, even though things are a bit difficult at present. What the hell makes you think we could do any less?"

Billy froze. His eyes widened.

"Yeah, I didn't think you'd thought of it that way," Dom muttered. He suddenly rose to his feet.

Billy looked up in mild panic. "What? Where are you going?"

"Come on. We're going home." He walked out of the café without even looking to see if Billy was following, standing on the pavement for a moment looking up and down the street for the car.

"I walked." Billy's voice was quiet behind him. "We're only five blocks from home."

Dom turned to glare at him, trying not to show his embarrassment. "We are not. I walked for ages!"

"You must have gone in a bit of a circle, then."

"I didn't," he protested. "It's this fucked-up city of yours."

Billy's lips twitched. "Remind me to buy you a wee map until you get your bearings."

"Wanker." Dom began walking downhill.

"Ehm ... Dom?"

Dom stopped, and dropped his head, and sighed. "It's the other way, isn't it?"

"Yeah." There was a smile in Billy's voice. "Come on, mate. Let's go home."

Chapter 14